Fostering  Random Acts Of Kindness With Children 

By Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, Ph D

Parents are often overwhelmed with the materialistic and competitive world while raising their children to be kind, empathic children. It is understandable that parents want their children to be competitive, popular and liked, but it does not need to be at the expense of kindness and empathy.

It is understandable that materialism is difficult to resist in the face of TV commercials. However, remember children are more influenced by what they experience than what they see on TV. It is best to curtail their TV watching for more reasons than materialism blaring in their ears. Many of the children's programs are modeling poor behavior—Sponge Bob Square Pants is one of the worst.

Role modeling being a kind person is the most effective strategy. When your child sees you helping a friend, carrying someone’s groceries, making a meal for a sick friend or a new family who moved into the neighborhood, or inviting people into your life who are different than your family, your child will naturally see this is the way life is.

As a parent you are a mirror for your children. When children observe your examples of kindness, they will know how to do it. Kindness is a quality that is seldom rewarded in school, therefore, you need to make a strong effort to acknowledge their kindness. Children are naturally empathetic at an early age. You no doubt have observed a child offering their favorite doll to the friend who has scraped his/her knee. It is unfortunate then, that parents shift their expectations to that of children being self-absorbed. “Oh, it’s the terrible twos.” “Children don’t share at this age.” If we fostered children sharing or being kind to one another, children will live up to that expectation. Boys in particular are often rewarded for being clever and assertive, but not often for showing compassion.

Kindness, empathy, compassion and love grow from appreciation and respect, and in turn creates more of the same. If parents consistently role model kindness, empathy, compassion and love, children will emulate it. When you observe your child being kind, empathic, praise or reward her/him. A reward can be something as simple as a hug and acknowledgement of the appropriate behavior. Although your children may argue, when you observe them playing quietly, sharing and conversing, give each a hug and say quietly in each one’s ear, “You and your sister (brother) were having a good time. I am glad you were having fun.” Avoid giving food/snack as a reward, as this establishes the habit of eating to reward or comfort oneself rather than as a means of nutrition only.

You can make being kind, empathic a family fun experience by weaving it into your everyday experience. For example, create a "kindness chart" and post it on the fridge or bulletin board. Each time a family member does something kind, he or she can write it on the board when it's acknowledged.

Create a challenge of doing daily ‘Random Acts of Kindness’   

Ask your children to create their list of everyday opportunities to show kindness. Here are some ideas to help them get started.

-Thank the school bus driver for being a good driver when you exit the bus.

-Sit with the child who usually sits alone on the bus.

-Smile at people you recognize.

-Smile at the school bus driver when boarding the bus.

-Talk to the new child in class.

-Help a sibling with homework.

-If someone is being mean to someone, tell them it is wrong and tell an adult.

-Give a hug to your sibling, friend and parent(s)

-Compliment at least one person each day—sister/brother, Mom, Dad, et al.

-Hold the door for the person behind you when you go through a door.

-Offer to help someone—sibling, parent, neighbor, teacher.

-If someone drops something, pick it up for them.

-Give toys you no longer play with to a toy drive or Goodwill.

Remind your children, often, they can make a difference each day. They can brighten people’s lives through small efforts: a smile, a look of recognition, shared laughter, a kind word, saying thank you.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life." Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening.

http://www.drdorothy.net

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